I am not a fan of "marriage" books, or at least I wasn't until I read this one. Some I have picked up in the past seem to imply that if everything isn't 'awesome' all of the time, there is something wrong. Hal and Melanie, on the other hand, say that having a true and lasting friendship with your spouse will make those "not so good" moments much easier to bear.
"But why do we treat our mates differently than our friends? Probably because we let ourselves. Either we never took the time to develop a friendship with the one we would marry, or we just let ourselves drift apart. We let ourselves become emotionally distant while geographically close, like co-workers or roomates. We work together or live togeher, but really have nothing in common. Regardless of the reason, there's no time like the present to start making your mate your best friend." (pg. 31)
Hal and Melanie's writing style is honest, open and conversational. You will feel like you are sitting at the table with them. They have been married for almost 30 years. One of the keys to their long marriage? Keeping God at the center and saying focused on Him through the good times and bad. Hal had life-threatening cancer, so the Youngs have definitely had their share of "bad" times. They stress the importance of going through life as a couple, not 2 separate individuals who are in a union. They believe in the "us," not the "you" and "me" and can truly say that they have been best friends for 30 years.
"We can choose to enjoy one another, choose to see each other as our best friends. this is really, seriously, one of them most satisfying things you will ever do. Make your mate your best friend." (pg. 46)
The chapters in the book are as follows: (and yes, this book even covers topics not covered in other books because they are considered "controversial")
- Leaving and Cleaving
- How to Be Married To Your Best Friend
- In Sickness and In Health
- On Submission
- Fidelity and Loyalty are Not Mutual Funds
- The Physical Aspect
- Children and All That
- Money- Yours, Mine, Or Ours?
- The Division of Labor
- The Spiritual Aspect
- Being of One Mind
- How to Fight So You Both Win
"When you use your disagreements as an opportunity to talk over issues and come to a better understanding of one another, discussing and working over the differences to reach a point where you can both stand together, it will tend to make you both more Christ-like. And when you've got someone who is that much in agreement with you, that much on your side, it's a real joy and encouragement!" (pg. 231-232)
Love is doing, not feeling. This is so very important for couples to realize after they come off of the "honeymoon high." Hal and Melanie say this about it:
"Love for our mate is a command, and something which can taught and learned. It's not a rush of feeling, but rather a conscious choice of action and thought. In fact, that should be a source of hope for us-- we can be loving even when we don't feel especially affectionate." (pg. 91)
The book will be officially released on Valentine's Day, but is available now for pre-order ($12) and will delivered in time for Christmas! You will not be disappointed with this book.
Click here to see what others on the Launch Team had to say about the book.
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